"Only a life lived in the service of others, is worth living."-Albert Einstein
Who doesn't love a good night in, binge watching your favorite show? Where you can wrap up in your softest blanket and not have a care in the world. I mean seriously, I love to snuggle up in my comfiest pjs, sprawl out on the couch, and dive deep into a television world, where I don't have to navigate my awkward social skills or think about my sometimes messy life. Who's with me? Now, for over thinking introverts like me, there is a good time for relaxing and letting go. However, in doing that too often, I'm not utilizing the many gifts I've been blessed with or serving others the way I feel called to do. Shutting down away from it all can easily lead into a downward spiral of only seeing and thinking about what's immediately in front of you or bothering you. Trust me, this comes from personal experience. Alternatively however, making other people feel happy, loved, and blessed is a huge moral boost and much more gratifying spiritually. Part of the problem of current culture is when people are only thinking about Numero Uno. Loving on and for others is key here.
My point, in these ramblings, isn't to make you feel bad for self-love or relaxed nights...because I need those too, like really need them. I honestly, just want to give you a better understanding of the meaning behind hospitality and why it's important to me.
The actual word hospitality is defined in Webster's 1828 dictionary as:
"HOSPITAL'ITY, noun [Latin hospitalitas.] The act or practice of receiving and entertaining strangers or guests without reward, or with kind and generous liberality."
It's also defined online @Merriam-Webster as:
hospitality noun
English Language Learners Definition of hospitality
: generous and friendly treatment of visitors and guests : hospitable treatment
: the activity of providing food, drinks, etc. for people who are the guests or customers of an organization.
In my version of the definition, it's about making others feel comfortable, accepted, and taken care of. It’s listening in an understanding way. It’s using your time to serve others. It doesn't even have to be in your own residence. I think it can be a mindset as well. It's really about meeting people where they are at and being a listener. I really like the older definition of hospitality that says “entertaining without reward” and with “kind and generous liberality”. Basically stating it’s about showing kindness and not expecting anything in return. Because, in all honesty being hospitable can be difficult and uncomfortable. You will have those neighbors or new friends over that you have nothing in common with. There have been times where I’ve had an unexpected visitor that lingered for a long time and just letting them have that extra time was all the hospitality they needed despite all the stuff I may have wanted to do instead. Or, how about the random lonely people in the grocery store who want to make conversation when all you want to do is run away. This is what I mean by turning hospitality into a mindset. You can never truly know someone else’s life or hardships. What if you could be the turning point or the one who shows unnatural kindness and love that changes them for the better. There are blood relatives in every family I know (not being dramatic, you could probably think of a couple), who will make things awkward or just make you not want to have them over again. People are rude and opinionated and yet, when you go above and show love, you never know where that could bring them. Whether it’s an immediate realization or one that takes place years from then, why not be the light in the darkness. It’s a calling, it’s work, but it’s a mess worth making. I’m not perfect, I still run away at times, and my social awkwardness makes people confused and look at me funny, but I can say it’s a learning process we should all attempt. I’m sure there is someone in your life, you can think of, that showed you thoughtfulness and lifted your spirits when you needed it. You don't have to have the perfect Martha or Ina lifestyle to show hospitality. It just takes a little thoughtfulness on your part. I have these friends who will open their home up no matter what is going on or how messy it is and sit with me and talk and listen. That hospitality right there makes me feel more comfortable and welcome than any fine restaurant or establishment that boasts of hospitality.
I do however have a few tips to creating a more hospitable home environment. Remember it's about comfort and functionality...not perfection. If you are stressed and angry over the state of your house, you're already missing the point. Grab your favorite drink, light a candle, or use your diffuser and relax a little. Below are a few simple tips I use and why I use them. If you don't want to read through them all, at least read the last one.
Functional Hospitality Tips:
- Have open seating. This could be obvious to most people, however if there are a bunch of blankets, fancy pillows or un-clear paths to the furniture...people would rather stand than ask you to move something.
- Keep your kitchen clean (I didn't say spotless). This would be more for those whose kitchen's are exposed to central areas of the house (like mine which is front and central). First of all a clean kitchen is a smell free one. You don't want dirty dish odor smacking guests in the face. It also brings you as a host more peace for if someone randomly stops by. You'll have clean dishes readily available for offering drinks or food when entertaining. Trust me on this, it's taken me a few years to get used to making sure I do the dishes every night before I relax. It usually doesn't take longer than 15 minutes and makes me feel so much happier the next morning. *A tip that can add on to this one would be to have paper plates and disposable cups available so you're not cleaning the night away.
- Have some sort of food easily available. This does not need to be anything elaborate. I am serious! You could pop up a bowl of popcorn or cut up some fruit and you're good to go. Growing up my Italian grandparents always had a bowl of crack-able nuts on the table. They made a funny conversational piece. At my house I will sometimes make up a small plate of cheese, crackers, grapes, apples, olives...you name it. It's not about the perfect arranged tray it's about making a connection of service with your guests. You want them to know you are happy they're with you.
- Point out where the bathroom is ahead of time. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does't like doing the bathroom dance while trying to find your host at a gathering? It's awkward despite knowing how normal it is. Plus it just lets people know you care about their needs when you give them advance direction. I have younger children, so it's not easy for me to keep a consistently clean bathroom. However, you can make sure you have an extra clean towel out in the bathroom, and those hanging self-cleaning toilet cleaner tablets make for less in between toilet cleanings. There is also a special tip I learned from a friend when it comes to bathrooms...have really fun or good smelling hand soap. It just makes the bathroom experience better 10x better. On my Instagram I have a recipe for a lemon sugar hand scrub that makes a great bathroom spa addition.
- Have your wifi password available for guests who might be there a while. Maybe even put a little frame around it for others to see.
Comfortable Hospitality Tips (These tips are more personal):
- Get comfortable in your own space. I don't necessarily mean wearing your favorite comfortable holey leggings (but you can if that's what it takes), but making yourself at home and cozy can help others to relax as well. If your stature is tense and not present, your guest will feel out of place. Sitting in your favorite spot, sipping your favorite tea, or crossing your legs butterfly style on the floor...do what it takes to relax a little. Your happiness will reflect onto those around you. I'll be the first to tell you that this is the hardest for me. I have to force myself to stop nervous moving and relax.
- Don't forget about eye contact and engaging in another's story. It sounds lame to some because it should be common knowledge, but let me tell you, it's so hard for me to talk to someone who won't look at me or engage back in some conversation. Not that them being engaging is the point...I just mean try to step out of your box and into their world for a little bit. Eye contact really is a sign of respect and good manners. It's harder to get distracted by other things around you when your looking back at someone who is speaking to you. You don't want to be a creep about it, but isn't it meaningful to you when you know the person you're talking to is genuinely listening?
- Have fun and laugh at the underwear you see sitting on the floor. Once again to stick it in your mind (dah duh dah dahhhh) hospitality is not about being or feeling perfect. You most likely (if you're anything like me) will not have it all together, all of the time. Life is hard enough, don't make your standards unreachable. Learn the tips and listen to the pros that can help you get your space cleaner and more organized. Yet, remember, the most important thing is just to try and make others feel like they have your love and time. Hospitality comes down to a metaphorical feeling of relaxing on that front porch, in a cozy blanket, and smiling with good company around you. You need to just laugh at that random pair of underwear your dog grabbed from who knows where and left on the floor, or the fact that your kid stuck a sanitary object on the wall right when someone came over (yes it has happened), or that your counter might still be a bit sticky from the popsicles you made your kids earlier. It's all real life. It's messy. It's not always easy, or what you want it to be, but it's exactly like that for the majority of the honest population. Outsiders seeing your life, experiencing your reality, show them that you are open and comfortable around others and it is a game changer. This is what Hospitality really means to me.
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